Recruiters Zeitgeist – Containment Level 1

Published by Millie Goadby on

I’m not completely sure what day it is. Are you? I haven’t left my house for some amount of time – could be a week, could be a year, who can say. I might learn to juggle. No that’s ridiculous, nobody likes people who know how to juggle. I watched 2001: A Space Odyssey.It wasn’t what I was expecting. It was weird; it was good? 

Can man survive on conference calls alone? No.

And yet, we must. We must persevere on only experiencing contact with our fellow humans on a seven-second delay. For some of us, this may be a dream come true. Finally, an excuse not to socialise – a valid reason for not wanting to touch anyone: you don’t not want to hug grandma because she smells faintly of peas and you’re not sure why, it’s because you don’t want to kill her. For others, who might be working from home for the first time in our professional careers, the cabin fever could be kicking in pretty quickly. Especially if you’re officially quarantining and not even allowed to go to the supermarket and wrestle strangers for loo roll.

Don’t worry though, I’m here to help, like always. The theme of this week’s Zeitgeist: survival.

Welcome to Talent Ticker’s official remote working survival guide.

  • Fill your house with plants. “But Millie”, I hear you cry (for that’s my name), “I can’t go outside to get plants, you fool, you utter moron.” Firstly, how dare you. Secondly, just get them delivered. Patch will send you ones that come prenamed, so you can pick up a Pippa, Spike, or even a Big Ken. Then it might not feel as weird when you start talking to them.
  • Start a podcast! Haven’t you always suspected that your thoughts might be, like, really super important, that you might be just a bit more interesting than other people? Good news, you’re right! Now is the time for the world to hear your in-depth reviews of every single episode of Come Dine With Me. Dear Lord, what a great little life, Jane.
  • Podcasts are great, sure. But people won’t see your face and people need to see your face if they’re going to get through this. Start a youtube channel. Call it ‘Cooking in the Time of Corona’ – add onions to your Pot Noodles because you’re a chef. Just don’t give out your address or the mob might come for your pasta.
  • Book a grocery delivery slot for some time in April. Order yourself some treats, maybe a couple of Easter eggs. By the time it comes you’ll have completely forgotten about it and it’ll be a lovely surprise. Just make sure your delivery driver stands six feet away.
  • Learn to juggle!
  • Forget how to juggle.
  • Fall in love with someone on the internet. Recreate your youth. Get an SO who lives in the US on MySpace. Change your relationship status to ‘It’s Complicated’.
  • Get TikTok!
  • Delete TikTok.
  • Remember, as tempting as it may seem, office relationships get complicated. If your SO is also working from home, make sure you avoid all contact with them during working hours. Don’t even look at them.
  • Get drunk with your mates on video call. “Never have I ever had coronavirus.”
  • Write a book.
  • Read a book.
  • Consume a book for nutrients.
  • Stock up on Vitamin D tablets and fake tan. Looks like we’re in this for the long haul.

TT’s top story

Alternatively, if you want to actually do some work, try emailing these guys. Billon Group just secured $6m in their Series A funding round. Times may be difficult but that doesn’t mean hiring will stop. In fact, a company might be even more appreciative of a good recruiter to help guide them through these turbulent markets.

Have you heard?

In order to endure working from home, good tunes are an essential. Try putting together your own pandemic playlist. There is one I made earlier on the right hand sidebar.

An app for that

RescueTime: Do you find that, with nobody watching you, it can be a little too easy to accidentally end up on Twitter reading funny tweets about working from home rather than working from home? Nope, me neither. But just in case, try RescueTime. It will tell you exactly what websites you’re wasting time on. 

Plague Inc.: Unleash your own pandemic on the world. The aim of the game is to infect and then kill off the whole planet. I’ve come up with an alternate version where I intentionally lose in order to feel slightly reassured. It’s great fun.

Word of the week

Solipsism: noun

The view or theory that the self is all that can be known to exist.

The recruiter had not seen another human in so long that they had begun to believe in solipsism. Begun to believe that they were now the only person in the world. Begun to question whether they had always been the only person in the world.

Dog of the week

Mocha is a rescue labradoodle. He loves journeys in the car, food, walkies, food, cuddles, food, bird watching, food, and napping. He is a champion napper and once won Best Rescue Dog at a village show. 11/10 is a good boy.

 

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